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Hair pulling during sex is hot ... unless the whole wig comes off.
You know you`ve won the argument when the other person responds with "Whatever..."
I`m a good singer. Unfortunately I have a bad voice.
I don`t always agree with everything I say. :)
Everything in earthquake-prone areas should be built on top of a giant Tempurpedic mattress.
I always try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always finds me and brings me back.
When I`m bored I like to call in sick to places I don`t work for. I`m getting written up at Home Depot
I quit my job and handed in my badge and gun to my boss, he said, why do you have a gun? You work at McDonald’s.
Anything can be considered your job if you hate it enough.
Remember, no matter how bad a day you may be having, no matter how sh!tty a situation you may be in... I`m feeling great. So it`s all good.
I was stood in front of the mirror last night, admiring my six pack. Then it occurred to me, why the f*ck am I not drinking it?
Not clicking like on this status makes your a$$ look fat.
Had another daydream where I`m doing the mexican hat dance and CIA guys watching me from satellites are dancing along in their control room
When I think of a selfie, I`m not sure it`s the same thing you`re thinking of
A word to the wise ain`t necessary - it`s the stupid ones that need the advice.