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It`s real cute how pedestrians confuse "right of way" with immortality.
You left a note on the fridge saying "This isn`t working. Goodbye" but I opened it and it was working perfectly well. I don`t get it.
Life isn`t a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, chances are you are going to walk home barefoot.
Please don’t take anything I say personal or too seriously. I’m just an idiot with internet access.
I`m not saying I hate you, but I`d unplug your life support to charge my phone.
Bumper stickers are helpful for recognizing members of society you do not want to associate with.
Ohh sh!t, my b!tch button is stuck.
I SOOOOO wanted Kim and Kayne to name their daughter Wild Wild...
I have the worst case of morning sickness. No I am not pregnant, my body just rejects mornings.
If I look tired at the end of the day, it`s because I just spent eight solid hours looking busy.
Some people should calm down, take a deep breath and then hold it for 20 minutes.
I’m glad MTV has shows like Teen Mom 3 so girls have good role models besides Miley.
Ever notice how it`s never your successful friends posting inspirational quotes?
Nothing sadder than the look on my dogs face when I drop food from the table and they realize it`s lettuce.
We should be thanking our Dads for bringing us into the world, not our Moms. She probably wasn`t in the mood...