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A yawn is a silent scream for coffee!
When people say they did something "like a boss" I just picture them doing it fatter and with less hair
20 years from now, some adults are going to say they grew up on the “bad part of town,” meaning there was no 4G in that area.
The package says "Do not eat raw cookie dough" but all I really see is "Pillsbury hates you and doesn`t want you to be happy."
Saw a flying saucer today. It appeared right after the flying cup that my wife threw at me.
Relationship status: Runs alone at night in hopes of being abducted.
45 minutes on the treadmill is no big deal if you don`t turn it on
The guy who invented, "Take Your Child To Work Day," probably forgot to drop his kid off at school on his way to work..
Before Instagram, I used to waste so much time sitting around having to imagine what my friends` food looked like.
Where did all the people walking around with boomboxes in the 80s go? I`m concerned
One day id like to have a brand new Iphone like the lady in front of me with the food stamps.
Next time I go to Hooters I`m ordering milk.
If you`re "just sayin", then just shut the hell up.
If da Vinci were alive today, the "Mona Lisa" would have been called "IMG-20121020-00463.jpg"
Ways to Win my Heart: Buy me Beer Bring me Beer Be Beer.