Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
"Trust me, you can dance." -Vodka
Today I will kick a$$, and make dreams happen...but first, Coffee.
Getting back with your ex is like taking a shower and putting back on your dirty underwear.
I would like to think I will die a heroic death, but it`s more likely I`ll trip over my dog and choke on a spoonful of frosting.
Ladies: Sometimes you just need to throw your arms up in the air and say, "Tie me up"
loves driving down the road and just waving at random people like you know them!:D
Spread happiness by smiling at a stranger today, or flash them your boobs...... Strangers love boobs!
What is this `wrong hole` you people speak of?
Time flies when you`re throwing watches.
If you really want someone to listen to you, start the conversation with "I shouldn`t be telling you this but ..."
I was so angry when I found my wife’s profile on a dating website. That lying b!tch isn’t “fun to be around.”
I got caught peeing in the swimming pool today... The lifeguard shouted so loud I almost fell in.
Just heard a lady say "When in doubt, get a pizza"... I don`t know who this woman is but she`s my new life coach.
With my luck, I’ll die and get reincarnated as myself.
Don’t judge me because I only have $4 in my pocket. Judge me because I stole it off my daughter’s night stand.