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Life was much simpler when we could play a friendly game of Red Rover and just clothesline the people we didn’t like.
Roadside sobriety tests are getting ridiculous...Last night I had to fold a fitted sheet.
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
I love everyone these days... Some I love to be around, some I love to avoid, and others, I`d love to punch in the face...
Weekends are like a orgasm.. It`s takes a lot to get there and when u finally do it`s over in no time
is easily distracted by shiny objects.
Best Relationship Advice: Make sure you’re the crazy one.
I have no problem texting while driving, but I won’t text while going down stairs. That sh!t’s dangerous.
If my memory gets any worse I`ll be able to plan my own surprise party.
Mac & Cheese doesn`t contain many vitamins, so it`s important you always eat a bunch of it.
Life Lesson: Never ever, ever do anything you wouldn`t want to explain to a nurse in a busy ER.
I`ve discovered two things today... 1. My cat looks so cute in people clothes. 2. I`m probably going to die alone.
my neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning , can you believe that 2:30am? Luckily for him I was still up playing my drums...
Few people have the balls to admit when they`re wrong. Then again, few people have talking balls.
Milk Duds: When you want some candy but also crave a dislocated jaw