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How come know-it-alls, don`t know how annoying they are?
Never sit down in front of the computer while having breakfast because when you get up it’ll be dinner time.
I`ve polished the mirror in the bathroom so much, you can see your face in it.
It’s only a matter of time until “Security Cameras of Wal-Mart” is a reality TV show.
People are obsessed with the front seat of the car but when you get in a bus, you go straight to the back
You better not pout, you better not cry, you better not shout I`m telling you why...we have our own problems and nobody cares about yours.
I automatically classify anything over $5 as expensive.
People really need to get with the times. Smartphones are not for talking anymore.
Hi there beautiful, can I drive you to drink?
I`m confused by this "It`s 5 o`clock somewhere" statement. Bars open at 11. Idiots.
I robbed a bank yesterday....now the question is, what to do with all that sperm....
Robots can do anything we set their mind to
My biggest fear is that there is no PMS and this is my personality.
Try this... When leaving a fancy restaurant tell the people coming in "I recommend you try the donkey, snail or the squirrel".
Volleyball is just a more intense game of "Don`t let the balloon touch the floor"