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I bet Waldo’s parents are worried sick.
If I had a dollar for every girl that told me I was unattractive, they’d eventually find me attractive.
Not sure if my dog is barking for no reason or I’m about to be murdered.
If everything tastes like us, why do we have to die? –Chickens
I wish there was more BitStrips and photos of giraffes on my Facebook
Nothing says `I dont take you seriously` like your dog wagging his tail when you are yelling at him.
I take comfort in the fact that my neighbour will probably die before me. I`ll be at his funeral, leafblowing through the entire ceremony.
I will never admit to my parents that I don’t believe in the Easter Bunny or Santa as long as I still get presents and candy.
Not sure what my spirit animal is, but I am sure it has rabies
My New Years resolution is to be more assertive if that`s okay with you guys?
I`m too lazy to ever write a biography. Story of my life.
They say 1 in 3 people cheat in a relationship. I`m not sure if its my wife or my girlfriend.
It’s too bad that it’s easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
?"May contain nudity".. either it does or it doesn`t.. quit waistin` my time.
Going to make pizza for dinner!! Ingredients Required: Phone, Menu & Credit Card.. Ohhh I can smell it cooking already!! ;)