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This is just a quick shout-out to bread bowls, waffle cones and other edible containers. You guys are doing a great job.
Adam: Eve, you read the terms and conditions before using that Apple product right? Eve: Uh yeah, totally
life is unfair theres 6 days between monday and sunday but only 1 between sunday and monday
My minivan is always rocking, but it`s usually because I`m trying to smack one of the kids in the backseat while I drive.
My tombstone will read I should have googled it first.
I didn´t outsmart you. You just outdumbed me.
I don’t repeat gossip, so listen carefully
If Eve sacraficed the whole human race for Apple, I wonder what she would have done for a Klondike Bar?
I’m not saying don’t trust the internet but there’s an alarming discrepancy between the number of ipads I’ve won & the number of ipads I own.
Staring longingly at the door works for my dog, but I tried it at work and no one let me out. :(
My new girlfiend is taking forever to exist.
Women who tell me I have commitment issues have never seen me with a large pizza.
When I was younger my dad showed me pictures of why to wear condoms during sex. The funny thing is, they were all pictures of me.
Hold on I`m about to count my money. Alright I`m done.
Kids teach you so many life lessons. Unconditional love, patience, the meaning of family, but mostly to lock the bedroom door.