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It`s Thanksgiving. Don`t forget to set your scale back 25 lbs
You can make your life more entertaining by simply reaching out, and getting to know a whore.
The Bible is pretty accurate...Especially when thrown at close range.
“One man’s trash is another man’s treasure” would be a terrible way to let your child know that they’re adopted.
Perfect relationships exist in thoughts, movies, and Facebook timelines.
Ugh, I have an ingrown hair and it really hurts. This sounds like a job for medical marijuana.
There’s literally no way to know how many chameleons are in your house.
Guys are like bears, if you lay very still they’ll paw at you a bit then give up and go look for food.
If you want to set up a company and run it then that`s your business.
Stop saying I`m hard to shop for. Surely you know where the liquor store is
Up to date Girl Scout cookie sales by states: California: 138,000 Boxes Florida: 129,000 Boxes Virginia: 126,000 Boxes Colorado: 8 Million Boxes
if it has tits or tires sooner or later it will give you problems.
Nothing makes me more nervous than getting FB msg saying, “You’ve been tagged in a photo” after a crazy weekend.
Man I love watching women`s curling in the Olympics. It`s the only time I get to drink beer while cheering on women sweeping and no one slaps me.
The roof of the McDonalds in my town has 38 Pickle slices on it from times I ordered sh!t without pickles in it.