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Probably the most exciting feature on the new Iphone is the way it upgrades simple phone theft into full on finger removal.
She walked in & she had legs, legs that went on for days. Who knows where they went? They just kept wenting. - Why my mystery novel failed
So far my Christmas shopping has involved buying myself presents, so I’d say it’s been a success.
Tip of the day: When there’s a will…find a way to be in it!
’Friday’ is my second favourite word starting from the letter `F`. :)
My talent is being wasted, if that counts as a talent.
A sheep walks into a bar. Lots more sheep follow, the barman counts them and falls asleep, the sheep help themselves to free drinks. Genius.
My hair looks amazing today. I hope I see everybody I hate.
I saw a bumper sticker today that said "I miss New York", so I smashed their window and snatched their laptop...
"Never pick a fight with an ugly person. They`ve got nothing to lose." -Robin Williams
thinks that life was a lot simpler when I thought girls had cooties, and getting to the bottom of the sandbox was a good day.
Ignoring things don`t make them go away, it makes them drunk dial you.
Sometimes all you need is a hug or someone to tell you everything will be ok, or some rough sex or whatever...
I like to skip when I`m carrying my flamethrower cause no one ever suspects a skipping girl of starting fires.
Subway only exists because we`re all too damn lazy to throw a sandwich together. "Could you lay meat on that bread for me? Here`s $8."