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If running away from my problems counts as exercise then yes, I work out a lot.
If you are having anxiety over something you`ve said or done, just remember that 90% of the world only cares what you look like.
I was offering free mammograms in the company parking lot long before my employer was doing it ... just sayin
I wonder if people without dogs actually pick food off the floor?
I always honk when I drive by homeless guys sleeping, just in case they overslept for a meeting
Whenever I`m out somewhere there is a 99% chance I am thinking about going home and sleeping.
Ever had one of those days that you feel like you should have skipped the coffee and went straight for the booze?
Loneliness is when your sleeve unrolls itself while washing dishes and you try to roll it back up with your face.
When I die I want Charlie Sheen’s life to flash before my eyes.
The first 30 years of childhood are always the hardest.
According to WebMD, MedicineNet, Healthline, Mayo Clinic, Symptom Checker, NetDoctor, MedlinePlus, Johns Hopkins and InfoMedNet, I`m OCD.
I was born at a very early age.
Made the decision that I`m done having kids. Yet every morning I wake up and there they are asking me for breakfast.
I get very competitive at "All You Can Eat Buffets."
I don`t have a drinking problem........I just celebrate everything!!! Like the fact that I have pants on, I`ll be celebrating that tonight.