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The worlds gonna end in 5 days & I don`t know what I`m gonna wear.
Telling a girl to calm down is like trying to baptize a cat.
I sure buy a lot of alcohol. Hope I`m not a shopaholic.
How am I supposed to make great life choices when I still use my fingers to count and sing the whole alphabet to see what letter comes next?
is in that awkward phase of the day between never drinking again and noon.
Everyone is gifted......But not everyone opens their present
I like that CNN is tweeting a picture of ebola bacteria. It will be handy in case I encounter it in the wild. With my microscope vision.
One day I shall rule the World! Until then, I`m going to bed
People who actually rate porn videos are the unsung heroes of our generation.
Iām not a sore loser ... thanks to Vicodin.
I just watched Back to the Future Part II and not once did I see a person walking around staring at their smartphone.
Everyone picks their nose at some point, it`s what you choose to do next that defines who you are as a person.
I Just bought a Ken doll. I don`t know what everyone`s talking about, you can`t read books on this thing
Politeness has become so rare, that some people mistake it for flirting.
A roman walks into a bar. He holds up two fingers and says "Five beers please."