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My wife just said we should have another baby. I hope she didn`t mean together.
I think on December 21 all the power companies should shut off the power for like 10 minutes just to make people flip out.
"It seemed like a good idea at the time"............................... An often used phrase in a lot of my memories.
My girlfriend said that I should use the term `make love` instead of `f*ck.` What the make love is she talking about?
I just attempted to wash a paper plate if you wonder how much money I have available.
I thought about going outside and doing something today but my Wi-Fi really doesn’t reach very far.
I wouldn’t have to manage my anger, if people could learn to manage their stupidity.
If Monday had a face... I`d punch it.
Your mobile phone has more computing power than all of NASA in 1969. NASA launched a man to the moon. ...We launch a bird into pigs!
I´m on a whisky diet. I´ve lost three days already!
Even if your life was a total waste of space, there’s always hope that you’ll die in a weird enough way to make a CSI episode.
Is it just me, or is Fantasy Football basically Dungeons & Dragons for jocks?
High-five a veteran today.
Goodnight, good people - and nite nite to the naughty ones too!
DO NOT expect a "Bless You" after your 3rd sneeze. Get that sh!t under control.