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Some of the best things in life...are mistakes.
Whenever someone ends their status with "LOL" I know it`s a repost, cuz...who the hell laughs at their own statuses? LMAO!
I have officially bought the first batch of Halloween candies that will not make it to Halloween.
"Just so you know, you`re coming home with me tonight." I whisper to all the leftover food on the table from our dinner date.
It’s been close to a million years since I exaggerated about anything.
I’m not a comedian. I don’t tell jokes. I just tell the truth in a way it sounds funny.
At 4-way stop, the first person to finish their text has the right of way right?
I am not as think as you drunk I am
The nice thing about being a guy is your underwear only costs $10 for a 3-pack.
Mom in poetic mood ....Asked me to express emptiness .... I showed her my wallet ........ n m cheek still burns .... :-p :-p
I wish all videos of people twerking ended with them catching on fire.
Sleep is like a time machine to breakfast.
Hi I’m an evil ghost with the ability to defy time & space, but I think the best example of my powers will be to slightly close this door.
My local news station says it gives us " news when it breaks " ...I want unbroken news!!
I`ve been texting so much lately that I move my thumbs from side to side when I`m actually talking to someone.