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Have you ever tried blind-folded archery? You don`t know what you`re missing.
I only drink alcohol because there aren`t enough ways to eat it.
Stairs are like rock climbing after a bottle of vodka.
My Memory.....The Second shortest thing I have.
"Dancing with the Stars" is being canceled, but tune in to a new reality show by the same creators called, "Athletes do your Taxes."
One minute without you feels like 60 seconds.
Attention...my facebook page has been hacked. But everyone seems to like the new guy better, me too actually...so fvck it!
Ladies, when a creepy guy asks for your # and hands u his phone, text REDCROSS to 90999 so he`ll donate $10 to Disaster Relief.
You’d think after all these beauty pageants, we would have world peace by now.
Was just thinking …. What would the world be like if McDonalds delivered?
Facebook, Pinterest and Instagram have taught us that for every giant technological leap ahead, we will find a way to use it for dumb sh!t.
Dimples are considered a facial muscledeformity in the medical world.
If each day is a gift, I wonder where I can return monday.
My friend won a trip to China. He´s out there now... trying to win a trip back.
The early bird gets the worm! So does the late bird. They all get worms all the time; there`s tons of those things. Relax, there will always be a lota worms......