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That horrible feeling you get when you`re not asleep anymore.
Hi, it’s me. I can’t get to the phone right now, even though it’s right here in my hand.
Dogs lick each other`s butts to tell each other they like them. Just like politicians
If I had a dollar for every time someone has told me to grow up, I could probably afford a whole arsenal of Super Soakers.
I`m surprised more killers haven`t lured their victims into their houses by blind folding them and promises of being on a febreze commercial
This bald spot just appeared out of thin hair.
We`re all mature until somebody brings out the bubble-wrap...
*Spoiler Alert*--- Siamese cats are just one cat ... not two cats in one.
anyone celebrating anything today? Anything at all... doesn`t matter what. I just need something to drink to.
My grandma told me her joints are getting weaker, so I told her to roll them tighter.
She deleted and blocked me so I guess you can say we`re taking it slow now.
Whoa. I just did something & almost forgot to document it on facebook. That was a close one.
For once in my life, I’d like to get up in the morning and be as excited about it as my p@nis is.
You know you are getting old when a bunch of annoying teenagers get murdered in a horror movie and you relate more with the killer.
So today my gym was crowded...at least I think it was a gym...Do gyms usually have drive thrus?