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79% of accidents happen in the home....... Finally, good news for the homeless
wonders how you can knock sense into someone when you`re beating them senseless?
I think the cats are hording all the single women out there...
Oh and BTW,,, Why haven`t Pig Pen`s parents been visited by child services yet?
In alcohol`s defense, I`ve done some pretty dumb shit while completely sober too.
A fairy godmother but for breakups. She takes your phone and leaves alcohol and possibly your first cat.
Lady: what Colour are my eyes? Man: 34D
Men use love to get sex...women use sex to get love...I use coupons to get pizza!
It’s fun to pull someone’s leg… but don’t ever pull their finger.
Time to train for my favorite winter sport. Extreme Hibernation.
Blood moon, shooting stars....I gotta move to a safer galaxy
Good Morning: You, my friends are the reason I wake up every morning ? LOL JK, I have to pee.
Everything I need to know in life I learned in kindergarten... if you poop your pants they let you go home.
Ladies first. Because it might be dangerous.
Cooking tip of the day: Rub your eyes BEFORE you dice the jalapenos...