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Never assume coz u wil make an "ass" out of "u" and "me"
If I wasn`t supposed to have vodka for breakfast they shouldn`t have made it taste so good with orange juice.
Yes I walked away mid-conversation. You were boring me to death and my survival instincts kicked in
I made a huge TO DO list for this weekend. I just can`t figure out who`s going to do it.
Some people are like eye-candy... I`m more like eye-meatloaf.
You`ve already put up your Christmas tree? That`s nothing. I`m already drunk for St. Patrick`s Day.
Now accepting friends that live on a lake and have a boat and/or jet skis
I eat boiled eggs, cabbage, and baked beans before the in-laws visit. They never stay long.
My anger management class pisses me off
in wine there is wisdom. in beer there is freedom. in water there is... umm bacteria
I`ve been waiting all winter to complain about the summer heat
The only people without problems are in the cemetery.
I used to think I was a man of vision. Now i`m pretty sure they`re hallucinations.
Bragging about how much you receive in alimony only demonstrates how much someone was willing to pay to get rid of you.
I`m tired of making the same mistakes over and over again. Does anyone have any new mistakes I can borrow?