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People who try to test my patience don`t realize it`s an exam I don`t plan on passing
You gotta hand it to blind prostitutes.
3 bottles of bleach: $15.00. One rope, 3 rolls of duct tape, and a shovel: $35.00. 3 boxes of trash bags: $10.00. The look on the cashier`s face: Priceless!
At this point I`m guessing the North only won the Civil War because the South got half an inch of snow and they completely lost their minds
If you`re going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.
We all have that funny voice we use when talking to dogs, babies... and idiots!
is battling with eyelids
All this time I thought Bi-Polar was a big white bear with no sexual preference.
Not all country music is terrible. If you can get past the lyrics about trucks, mud, farms and cows... It`s actually not too bad.
Maybe America will believe in global warming if we make it a Snapple Fact.
I am a Mother hear me roar.....especially when my kids decide to make a kite out of my granny panties and fly it down the street.
thumbs up if you pee on the side of the toilet to make it quiet.
The longer I stay at home, the more homeless I look.
It’s a status….not your diary…
He said he liked surprises, but when I showed up late at night dressed as a clown and knocked on his window, it`s all screaming and sh!t.