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I don’t have a problem with caffeine.I have a problem without caffeine.
I`m just here until I can make day drinking a full time job
If you don`t pay your exorcist do you get repossessed?
Do women who complain about never getting laid know about men?
I like to start my morning off with a good nap.
That moment when you wake up at 2 o`clock a.m and remember how crappy that after earth movie was and you go back to sleep immediately
Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but my boss just gets mad when I don`t come into work.
Should hallways in mental institutes be called psycho-paths?
Admit it, you`ve answered Dora at least once in your life.
OMG guys!! im so happy!! the doctors just gave me a jacket so im always hugging myself!!
You think you have problems, I used a toothpick to get a toothpick out of my teeth this morning.
B!tches be trippin ... OK, maybe I pushed one.
Just because you`re not paranoid doesn`t mean they`re not out to get you.
I think I may be getting harder to love.
I just saw a disclaimer that said "don`t try this at home", so I tried it at my neighbors house.