Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m a good singer. Unfortunately I have a bad voice.
If I ignored you any harder, we`d be married.
Lazy fact #128540162, You were too lazy to read that number.
Reverse Psychology: DO not STALK MY FB PAGE. YOU ARE not OBSESSED WITH ME...
Dating someone solely on their looks is shallow. Consider other things such as how much money they have.
If thought bubbles appeared over our heads, I would get punched in the face a lot more.
The only thing alcohol can`t cure is alcoholism.
The computers were down at work today, so we had to do everything manually. It took me twenty minutes to shuffle the cards to play solitaire.
Why can`t everyday be football Sunday?
I`m off to bed. For those of you who wish to add a touch of authenticity to your fantasies, the sheets are pale blue...
When I was a kid I slept with a nightlight... to keep away monsters who were scared of small, low wattage light bulbs.
Beware of the deodorants with instructions that ask you to "remove the top and push up bottom"... they could at least make them round.
On demand sucks. Hoarders made me fill up the dumpster and clean the house. Now I want to collect coupons and go to the pawn shop....
I can relate to Alice in Wonderland. She just keeps randomly eating and drinking with hope that it might magically solve her problems.
Filling out a job application. Under "Military Experience" I put that I once went commando for 4 days in a row.