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If you`re going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.
Note to self... next time my wife asks what`s on tv, don`t say dust
Don`t tell me I look tired unless you`re offering to carry me
Never trust anyone who smiles this early in the morning.
Just used the holiday card with your kid`s face on it to scoop up a dog turd in the living room.
The rare times my cat approaches me for affection, I run away and hide under the bed so she knows what that feels like.
On your birthday I think the Airlines should let you exit the plane on the inflatable slide.
I was shocked when I heard the local Radio Shack is closing. Mostly because I had no idea we had one.
You say I’m dirty minded, but how did you understand what I meant?
i make the other half of the Oreo watch.
Had a super busy day today converting oxygen into carbon dioxide.
Roses are red, so is my wine. Refill my glass and I`ll be just fine.
When one door closes another one opens. Or you could just re-open the closed door. Because that’s how doors work.
So your baby doesn`t know any tricks at all?
I think my iPhone is broken. I pressed the home button and I’m still at work.