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some people just need a high-five......in the face......with a chair!
When I was little we didn`t have emojis. We had to put smiley face stickers on handwritten letters like a bunch of savages.
I just want to read, have a snack, then take a nap. Basically, I just want to be in kindergarten again.
Sleep feels the way pizza tastes.
It has been scientifically proven that any woman can be satisfied with only 3 1/2 inches — and it doesn’t matter if it is Visa or MasterCard
I don’t know how Godzilla doesn’t hurt himself. I once had to go to the emergency room after stepping on a Lego piece.
Patience is what parents have when there are witnesses.
When cleaning my house: 1% Cleaning 30% Complaining 69% Playing with stuffs that I just found
I`d like to read an obituary that says "He laid down the boogie and played that funky music till he died."
Warning: forgetting what pocket your keys are in may result in the Macarena.
If only someone on the internet would give me their opinion on the election.
If someone found a legit way to make penises bigger, no one would believe them.
With my eyes. That`s how I roll.
Why does the person who snores always fall asleep first?
I think a clear conscience is really just memory loss.