Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
A lot of people don`t realise that Shania Twain`s father, Mark, was actually a pretty good writer.
Doing pretty good so far on my 1500 calorie a day diet as long as I don`t eat anything else today and tomorrow.
That awkward moment when the guy who discovered milk had to explain what he was doing to the cow
Look UPS guy, you can`t just show up at someone`s house unannounced and expect them to have pants on.
From now on when someone asks you where you`re from look them dead in the eye and say: Planet Venus.
My idiot future husband is out there somewhere pushing a pull door. I just know it.
Being married is 90% talking about what to have for dinner.
If you love something, set it free. Maybe not sharks though. Or bees. Viruses. Lots of stuff really. Look, the point is don’t love anything.
I wish I could afford to have a drinking problem.
I automatically classify anything over $5 as expensive.
Setting an alarm is how we ruin days that haven`t even started yet.
I`m convinced girls only want one thing from guys... all of our hoodies. -Bfanch
Women, we don`t say this enough, but thank you...Thank you for not killing us in our sleep. Sincerely, Men.
My Wife asked, "Would you like a romantic interlude?" I said, "Does a bear crap in the woods?". Wish I`d just said `Yes`, she`s been on Google ever since.
If a dwarf smokes weed does he get high or medium?