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I thought Row vs. Wade was Washington`s decision when he reached the Delaware.
If you`re reading this then I`m wishing you a Happy New Year! Stay safe, have fun, and remember, I like New Years gifts too!
I hate it when teachers say, “You think it’s funny?” Obviously it is, if it wasn’t I wouldn’t be laughing
Today is National I Don`t Feel Like Doing Sh!t Day. Celebrate accordingly.
Why do sandwiches taste so much better when they are cut diagonally?
I bet it’s called Almond Milk, because no one would buy Nut Juice.
1,000 Ways To Die is so unrealistic. There`s no episode where a man asks a woman `what`s wrong?`
My grandpa has Alzheimer`s, so I just keep telling him he owes me twenty bucks.
Zoning out is your brain’s way of saying “You look bored. Let me take you to a better place.”
After a night of heavily drinkin` there`s one thing I can`t stand...and that`s up.
I`d take a stupid dog over a stupid person any day.
The problem with coffee is trying to make it when you haven`t had any yet.
I finished your laundry, the ashes are in the fireplace.
Sarcasm is a body`s natural defense against stupid people
Mini M&M`s - for when you just can`t finish an entire M&M