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I only say "God bless you" twice. If you sneeze a third time I assume you cant be blessed and you`re a demon who must be destroyed.
At first, I had my doubts about using autocorrect. But my new phone probed me wrong. PROVED DAMNIT! PROVED!
But in my most troublesome times, I looked down and saw only one set of footprints. I asked the Lord why, and He replied that sand people ride single file to hide their numbers.
I have two feelings, it`s either "I`m hungry" or "I shouldn`t have eaten this much"
I wish you could Google anything. Like, "Where the f*ck is my remote?" and it would be like, "It`s under the couch dumbass."
Some days, I think that Dexter dude has the right idea.
I tried to open a can of WhoopAss,, but it popped like a can of biscuits and scared me.
I know two wrongs don`t make a right, obviously. But how many does it take? I`m like on 756.
I`ll vacuum over something a hundred times before I pick it up and place it back down and try again.
These Days everything is really starting to Click!.......My knee`s, my elbows, and the rest of my joints!
I read a sad statistic that something like 2% of all sushi goes un-Instagrammed.
“I’m not washing it, I’m just gonna shove it in a pony.” If you’re a girl, that sentence is actually ok.
People born in 1994-1999 have lived in three decades, two centuries, and two millenniums. & they are not even 18 yet.
If someone threw a rock and knocked me off my donkey, would I be stoned off my a$$?
They say children are a gift from god. I`m totally wide-open to regifting.