Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
At what point does the dentist stop giving you toothbrushes? Dude, I’m forty. I have one.
“Was that lightning?” “No no…. they’re taking pictures for Google Earth..”
Neat, your girlfriend is made out of the same stuff as your air guitar!
I won’t come to your party unless you have an animal I can spend the whole time hanging out with.
Having a toddler is like harboring a bipolar, schizophrenic, incontinent, adorable, tiny dictator.
My wife hasnt stopped looking through the window since it started raining. If it gets worse, I might have to let her back in...
If you`re happy and you know it, thank your ex.
The most effective way to torture young people is to make them watch old people use a computer.
If flying is really so safe, then why is it called the `terminal`?
Your shirt might say UFC but your body says KFC
I bet the Fantastic 4 were just pretending to have a girl in the group. "Uh yeah she`s just invisible right now. She`s totally real though."
When I am working, I get paid to be nice. I don`t understand why my friends and family expect me to do it for free during my time off.
To my neighbor using a chainsaw at 7:30 on a Sunday morning: Try holding the other end.
I snuck popcorn into the movie theatre but they won`t let me use their microwave.
My plans for GTA 5: Beat the crap outta people, Steal a cops gun, Jack a convertible, Rob a bank, Jump off a building, Go to GameStop, Buy GTA 5