Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When your girlfriend or wife says "lol have fun", do not have fun. Abort mission. I repeat. Abort mission.
E-Cigs. The great taste of water vapor, the cool look of blowing a flashlight.
Some people have a natural talent for stupid. Others take that talent and actually ENHANCE it!
How did the inventor of the clock know what time it was?
If you think your wife is crazy now. Wait untill you divorce her.
I always push when I should pull. I have doorlexia.
You know what bothers me? When people assume you`re homeless cause you`re asleep on the street and your pants are gone..
What kind of wine goes best with laundry?
Sleep is for the people without access to Internet.
So last night I put a whopee cushion on moms chair, waited and finally heard it go off.. I walk in with a massive smile on my face to find out that she hadn`t even sat on it yet.
If a mass murderer on death row ordered a Klondike Bar for his last meal I bet it would explain a lot.
There`s a time and a place for alcohol ... In my hand and now.
You know why it`s called almond milk? Cuz you can`t say nut juice with a straight face
A cop pulled me over and said ``Papers...`` So I said, ``Scissors, I win!`` and drove off like a boss!
I’m going to start wearing Summer’s Eve as a cologne. The vast majority of beautiful women seem to be attracted to douches.