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There are no winners the day following a green beer, corned beef, and cabbage binge.
Just tried to pay for my McDonalds with a hug, it didn`t work. Don`t believe the rumors.
You see I, I´ve raise a toast to all of us. Who are breakin´ our backs everyday. If wantin´ the good life is such a crime. Lord, then put me away, yeah, here´s to you
I can`t get the cork off my dinner.
If you don’t cuss when you drive you aren’t paying enough attention to the road.
"A vodka, please" "Sir, this is McDonald`s" "OK, a McVodka, please and super size it."
"Last man standing" is the winner in most contests, but the runner up in musical chairs.
Make Monday More Fun: Unplug the copier at work and put a sign on it that says “Now Voice Activated!” Sit back and watch the magic unfold..
The worst part of quitting drinking is how few excuses you have for your behavior
At this point Washington DC is basically just an elaborate promotional stunt for Grand Theft Auto V.
"When I grow up, I want to marry a man addicted to video games" ~ No woman ever.
Does shaking the vending machine count as working ...
I eat my salad without dressing because who has time to put on clothes...
The majority of life`s greatest lessons are learned while observing your drunk friends.
How long does it take to get obsessed?