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Grocery stores could save me a lot of time and effort by adding an “All the stuff you can microwave” aisle.
It is hard to imagine how people showed their anger before doors were invented.
All I ask is to one day live in a house with secret passages.
I love it when I Google something I should know the answer to and find out 308 people are just as dumb as I am.
Everyone can stop painting. We all have cameras that can take perfect pictures of everything.
I don`t need a personal trainer as much as I need someone to follow me around and slap unhealthy food out of my hands.
1st thing I do after great sex! Turn the alarm clock off.........
I don`t go crazy. I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time.
A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means I dropped them on the way from the dryer.
Did the Energizer Bunny finally stop going and going, and none of us even noticed it?
Like if you remember the correlation between a pencil and a cassette tape ...
I don`t think I can call myself an adult until I can accept the fact that "dry clean only" is not a dare.
I think I will stick to my old fashioned pepper shaker. This new pepper spray tastes terrible on my potatoes...
I have a drinking problem. When I tilt my head back to take a drink, I can’t see my computer screen.
I guess the teachers went back to school. The bar was nearly empty this morning.