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Sometimes you run into people who change your life forever ... Bartenders, they are called bartenders.
Wanted: Someone to hand feed me Cheetos so my fingers don`t get orange..... P.S. No weirdos.
Have you ever been so hungry you accidentally called someone sandwich?
On the outside, I`m smiling...because on the inside, I`m imagining beating you senseless with Hulk Smash Hands.
Do whatever you want. And if it’s something you’re going to regret in the morning…sleep late.
Ways to get to my heart: 1) food ... that’s pretty much it
"Why do you hate me"? I say as I attempt to hold my cat like a baby
I wish they made barstools with seat belts and dual side airbags.
everyone is BEAUTIFUL in there own way--your just to UGLY to see that
Buying an airline ticket is like paying shipping and handling for yourself.
I wish I could forget you as easy as I forget my passwords.
In my defense Your Honor, I thought she had been stung by a jellyfish.
I want my children to have all the things I never had so then I can move in with them.
Days that I don’t have to care about my appearance are my favorite days.
Being an adult is mostly just wondering if the stuff in the dishwasher is dirty or clean while eating soup out of a sand castle bucket.