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If you`re going to be a d!ck.. At least be a big one.
My brain is giving me the silent treatment today.
Plan B includes margaritas.
I`ve been hiding from exercise. I`m in the fitness protection program.
Just ordered a chicken and an egg off the internet to see which comes first. I`ll keep you posted.
Dear New Years Resolutions People; You don`t have to wait for the New Year to get your sh*t together and become a better person.
It took Harry Potter 7 damn long books to catch the bad guy. When it only takes Scooby-Doo 25 minutes.
You never see a church with free wifi. I guess because no church wants to compete with an invisible power that actually works.
Sometimes, when people are talking to me, I daydream about what they would do if I suddenly punched them in the face.
Experience with women has taught me that Jack was most likely pushed down the hill.
Roses are cars, violets are buckets. This poem makes no sense. Eyeballs.
Sent an email to my Mom. Now I`m at her place showing her how to open it.
One of the biggest decisions when you go to college is whether to join a fraternity or just be an asshole on your own.
The person next to me just farted.. Does this mean my lungs are full of his poo particles -.-
If only there was a way to voice a highly uneducated opinion to thousands of people on a regular basis