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My kids keep bugging me about dinner even after I told them I already ate...
You know your fat when you sit in the bath tub and the water in the toilet rises.
take me drunk i`m home
I`m only 2 girls short of a threesome.
I don`t know where the saying "working like a dog" got started but I`m looking at my dogs daily routine feeling pretty jealous myself.
Sarcasm and orgasm. Two things most people don`t get. Those who do are smiling right now.
So those numbers on sports jerseys are how many people each player has killed or what.
List of things I’ve accomplished today: 1. Accomplishments List
I`m living in a drama-free bubble today. Respect the bubble people, respect it!
Boobs are like friends. Some are big. Some are small. Some are real. Some are fake. And some are just so fantastic you want everyone to meet them.
For all we know, half the birds are telling the other birds to shut up.
I`ll never forget the first time we met. Although, I will keep trying.
If you pour two beers into one glass, it becomes just one beer.
The only toys I was allowed to play with in the tub were the dirty dishes.
I would like to publicly apologize to anyone I have NOT offended…I will get to you shortly.