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I`ll never understand those people who say, "I mainly use facebook for my family." And I`m thinking to myself..."Umm...isn`t that what real life is for?"
It`s amazing what you`ll wear in public when you`re not trying to have sex with anyone.
It saddens me to say that after tasting this homemade whiskey/nacho cheese ice cream, I’ve found not all dreams are meant to be followed.
If I ran NASA, it would be mandatory for the ground crew to be dressed as apes when the space shuttle lands.
The best way to deal with dumb people is to never leave your house sober
I’m always frank with my sexual partners. Don’t want them knowing my real name.
A recent survey of one person revealed that 100% of me thinks I should skip work tomorrow.
You trust me holding your child? Do you know how many iPhone screens I’ve cracked?
Here`s hoping the wind at your back doesn`t come from the corned beef and cabbage you had for lunch. Happy St. Patrick`s Day!
They ordered two extra large pizzas at work. I wonder what everyone else is going to eat.
People say laughter is the best medicine, but I’d like to think a beer is the way to go.
What`s Forrest Gump`s password? 1forest1
roses are red,violets are blue,god made me beautiful, what happen to you..
I wouldn`t say I`m a stalker so much as I am a covert observation enthusiast.
Tried to donate blood today but they had too many questions about where I got it.