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I`d like to give a special thanks to my feet for supporting me and to my arms for being by my side at all times.
If you can´t say anything nice ... we´re probably related.
Patience is not about how long you can wait, but how well you behave while waiting.
I hate when I’m comfortable in bed and I forget my iPhone in the other room!
Where 5 minutes becomes 5 hours. Facebook.
When I see ads on TV with smiling, happy housewives using a new cleaning product, the only thing I want to buy are the meds they must be on.
You can dress for success or undress for it. It depends on what type of work you want.
My problem? Smart phones are too smart.
they say money cant buy you happiness but id much rather be crying in a fararri...
My therapist just offered me my money back.
The average man thinks about sex every tits seconds
If you loose a tooth as an adult, the tooth fairy gives you a trailer.
The only man worth waiting for is the delivery guy
I am really glad the shutdown is over. I`ll tell you something, it was very lonely being the only nonessential employee who was working.
Why do we call it the Sun instead of a space heater?