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A stranger at Walmart just coughed in my face, so I`ve probably only got two, maybe three, days to live.
Working from home means I save money on train tickets and pants, but spend more on vodka and pizza.
So many feelings today. Mostly hunger.
is in that awkward phase of the day between never drinking again and noon.
I use awkward numerical range description anywhere between 13 and 4 times a day.
Happiness is using an ATM and finding a receipt left by someone with an account balance lower than yours.
Feeling stressed out? Make a nice cup of hot tea and then spill it in the lap of whoever`s bugging you.
Thought of the day! Calling me a crazy bitch will only encourage me to prove you right...
It`s so cold outside you can see your farts.
Women have to deal with periods, pregnancy, childbirth, menopause and hot flashes. Men have to deal with women.
I wonder if anyone has watched Storage Wars and said, "Hey, that`s my stuff!"?
I`d like to change and get comfy, yet that requires effort. Ever feel this lazy?
I`d probably get a lot more done if it wasn`t for me.
My son said he went potty and I asked if it was number one or number two. He said number 7,,, and now I`m terrified to go into the bathroom.
My dog takes so long to sh!t I can`t believe he`s not out there playing Candy Crush.