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I`m not feeling myself today ... would you do it for me?
I`m an outdoorsy kind of guy, I like to drink beer outdoors
Billy Ray Cyrus made a million dollars at a playgirl photo shoot. He just started taking his clothes off and they paid him to put them back on.
“Everything you say can and will be used against you” should be included in marriage vows.
Sometimes when I`m bored I crawl into a corner of my room and pretend I`m an apple.
I`m not crazy I`m just special! No wait maybe I am crazy.. One second, I have to talk to myself about this hold on...
My mother might be right.. I was the reason someone invented birth control.
The wet spot in my bed is tears
No horror movie can surpass the sensation of touching your pockets and not feeling your cell phone.
I enjoy short walks to the fridge
How to Train Your Dragon offers no practical dragon training information. NONE. Zero stars.
My daughter asked me why I carry a gun inside the house. I told her I was scared of the CIA. She laughed. I laughed. Amazon Echo laughed.
Life Insurance: Let me get this right. I pay you until I die, then someone ELSE gets the money?
I`m not just living paycheck to paycheck. I`m living from paycheck to change jar to scrap aluminum to liquor store to paycheck.
Of course women have cleaner minds than men. They change them much more often