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According to Facebook, some people I don`t remember are grilling this weekend.
This is a private status. Please don`t tell anyone about it.
Helpful Tip: Always remember to speak clearly when complimenting a woman`s boots...
I`ve found if you tuck one part of a pants leg into your sock, people expect less of you.
Headaches are when the voices inside my head get into a fist fight.
Boys will be boys... unless they get a sex change.
Will you go with me to my therapist tomorrow? He thinks I`m making you up.
Here`s a joke for all you mind readers...
I feel like I am losing my mind !!! But as long as I can keep the bit that tells me when to pee, I should be OK !!
Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
Just washed my car with the squeegee at the gas station.
I`ve had enough of my neighbours blasting their music from their backyard. I`m not annoyed cause it`s so loud, i`m annoyed cause they`re Korean & they`ve still yet to play Gangnam Style!
If da Vinci were alive today, the "Mona Lisa" would have been called "IMG-20121020-00463.jpg"
Happiness comes from within. That`s why it always feels so good to fart.
It’s not pretty being easy.