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I didn`t get a chance to do yoga this morning or any other morning of my life.
My age is very inappropriate for my behavior.
Instead of calling in sick, call in well. Tell them how great you feel not having to go to work today.
People often say laughter is the best medicine, but they neglect to mention that an overdose can cause one’s a$$ to fall off.
Yoga pants are just push up bras for your butt.
Some people say a true friend stabs you in the front. I’m gonna go ahead and say a true friend just puts the knife down.
A lie is a great story that someone ruined with the truth.
Chase you? ... B!tch please, I don`t even chase my liquor.
Time travel means never having to say you`re sorry...
Fashion is what you call hideous clothes that are really expensive
Dear family, thank you for all those wonderful childhood memories ... Here`s my therapy bill.
Whenever you feel nobody cares or loves you. You should ask yourself...Am I TOO sexy?
I hate it when I open Facebook and miss a week of work.
Really, 6 more inches of snow today. My front yard is getting more action than me.
I think that a lot of conflict that happened in the Wild West could`ve been avoided had architects in those days just made their towns big enough for everyone.