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Who the hell is Pete, and why do we do things for his sake?
Yawning is our body`s way of saying 20% of battery remaining
The best job ever? Sleeping Beauty at Disney World. You just lay down all day. If anyone bothers you, it`s like excuse me, I`m working here.
I dont mind if you call me Crazy, but dont you dare call me stupid. Because to be this crazy some intelligence is definitely required.
Everyone is gifted......But not everyone opens their present
The best sign of a healthy relationship is no sign of it on Facebook.
If you`re gonna label the silica gel "do not eat", maybe you should label everything in the box. I almost ate a shoe before someone stopped me
Nothing is more heartbreaking than unappreciated sarcasm!
Sometimes I have to tell myself, "It`s not worth the jail time!"
Day six of my push-up challenge. So far, I`ve eaten 107 push-up pops.
Bowling is my favorite sport because you don`t have to run and there`s beer five feet away.
Any guy can seem cool on a motorcycle. If you really want to know what kind of man you`ve got, watch him walk through a spider web.
In the 60`s we took LSD to make the world look wierd. Now the world is weird and we take Prozac to make it look normal.
Common Sense is so rare, it should be classified as a super power.
The awkward moment when someone deletes their comment on facebook and you look like you’re talking to yourself.