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I decided to go on a road trip and not come back till I ran out of money... I made it to the end of the driveway.
Don’t judge me…If you’re reading this then you aren’t working either.
Conspiracy theory for conspiracy theorists: Your conspiracy theories were planted by the government to distract you from real conspiracies.
I try not to be rude, but some people make it hard work.
If you really want to get under someone`s skin these days, just leave them a voicemail.
Had a nice, relaxing weekend. I now have ample energy to hate Monday and most of Tuesday.
if your an astronaut, and you don`t end a relationship with "look, I just need space.." then your wasting everyones time
Self-Checkout lanes were invented by a guy who was sent out to buy tampons.
Q.Teacher: why do we drink water? A. Learner : Because we cant eat it!
How does Ice-T order an Iced Tea without sounding like a douche?
I am upping my standards.. so up yours!
What`s the hold up on making extremely heavy shoes for toddlers so they can`t run around so much?
I can paint the house and buy new furniture and my kids won`t notice, but, buy a new phone case...
I’ve never been a millionaire, but I know I’d be excellent at it.
If I was just learning English and you told me a sport called BOXING takes place in a SQUARE area called a RING, I`d probably give up.