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I`ve done a lot of things over the years ... But acting normal has never been one of them.
Live each day like you’re marked for deletion.
People hate the truth. Luckily, the Truth doesn`t give a $#!t.
How to break up with someone: You: Your ex is attractive. Partner: Which one? You: ME. You: BYEEEE
"Grapey." -me after every wine at the wine-tasting
Sorry just got your text. Do you still need to go to the hospital?
I finally stopped caring what other people think. I hope everyone’s ok with that.
Best way to get a man to do something, is to suggest they are too old for it.
I went to the doctor for a check up and he says I`m going to live. But I think he`s wrong and it`s just a matter of time.
Here`s hoping the wind at your back doesn`t come from the corned beef and cabbage you had for lunch. Happy St. Patrick`s Day!
All single ladies, stop saying you should just give up and get a cat. If no man wants you, don’t force an innocent cat to live with you.
I`m painting a blue square in the backyard... so Google Earth thinks I have a pool.
I ate 4 cans of alphabet soup, and just took probably the biggest vowel movement ever
Sometimes in life you have to give the people around you a little push ... into traffic.
Dear small line of dirt that wont go in the dustpan… Screw you.