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Thank God! the women with 3 boobs was a hoax... I just couldn`t wrap my hands around it....
I can`t wait to meet that special someone who will eventually ignore me.
That awkward moment, when you wake up with one sock on.
When I said I missed you, I meant with a hammer.
Why non-smokers don`t take bubble blowing breaks is beyond me
I have no super powers. I`m guessing I`m the villain.
This Tequila tastes like an afternoon of fun and bad decisions.
I`m starting to doubt that all of the people in this singing group are called Carol.
This is 2016. How come I can`t email someone a fart when I feel like it?
My coworkers are looking at me like they`ve never seen anyone tailgate before work.
Bands who can`t afford a smoke machine should hire my girlfriend to cook at their concert
If you surround your house in police tape, the odds of you being robbed drops dramatically.
Iām so glad I was young and stupid before there were camera phones.
Despite its name, Gatorade is pretty much fatal to alligators. Iām not allowed to volunteer at the zoo anymore.
Procrastination............I`ll make a joke about it later.