Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Me putting up with you is your Christmas present.
Hunting is easier for vegans because it’s easier to sneak up on plants.
Only in math problems you can buy 60 watermelons and nobody asks what the hell is wrong with you.
I will write something profound ... subsoil!
My sex tape would just be called Home Alone.
The first guy who bought pants had to go to the store without pants on, that`s just science
If you don’t cuss when you drive you aren’t paying enough attention to the road.
If a bra is called an `Over the shoulder bolder holder,` then would you call men`s underwear `Under the butt nut hut?`
You never know how dirty a song`s lyrics are until you hear a child sing them.
I love how my calendar assumes when I add a 8:00 event, it’s AM. Google thinks I’ve got my life together.
Everything I know about women, I learned from the Wizard of Oz. For example: If a woman sees a pair of shoes she wants, she`ll drop a house on the bitch to get them.
People often say laughter is the best medicine, but they neglect to mention that an overdose can cause one’s ass to fall off.
C`mon Netflix, we both know I`m watching the next episode. Just go ahead and start it.
Most of happiness just comes from staying away from idiots.
"I love you unconditionally*." -God *certain terms and conditions apply. See Bible for more details.