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According to national reports, car thefts in the US are now at a 20 year low...Well, sure, it`s hard to steal a car when the owner`s living in it...
Stay positive ladies, maybe he just didn`t hear you the first 100 times.
Saw some idiot put a water bottle where the Pringles go on the treadmill.
“Have you tried just drinking ALOT of vodka?”- me as a therapist
Has anybody tried unplugging Congress and then plugging it back in?
Much of my life is a contest to see which of the voices in my head can say the funniest stuff.
Valentine’s Day is in 4 days so if you are secretly in love with me I suggest you reveal it now.
drink beer ?? save water
I started to compliment my neighbors on their new wallpaper but then I realized they can`t hear me through binoculars.
I`m afraid of a world run by adults who were never spanked as kids and got trophies just for participating.
The pollen is so bad this year that the trailer park people are changing crystal meth back into Sudafed.
More people would drink responsibly if there was a brand of beer named Responsibly.
Why Couldn`t Snoop Dogg & Dr.Dre Get On The Bus ... Because They Forgot 50 Cent
You mean to tell me people run? On purpose? When nobody is chasing them?
My house is not a mess. It`s just that everything is on display for your viewing pleasure. Like a museum.