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SCARY BUT TRUE: statistics show that everyone who’s ever used a cell phone will die
I sent one of those swabs off for DNA sampling. Apparently, I`m 50% Crest, 25% Denture fixative, 13% kebab, and 12% Rum.
If that was me in the movie Taken, my dad would have missed the call and texted me 3 days later asking if I have a girlfriend yet.
I love my car. Without it, I would not be where I am today.
The problem with some people is that they`re breathing.
"I just launched a new fragrance!" - a great way to announce a fart
Stress from children can take 10 yrs off your life Drinking alcohol from stress can take another 10 yrs Based on my math, I died 5 yrs ago
At the start of every relationship many girls treat their boys as a GOD but later the alphabets are reversed
You know you`re old when you come close to shaving your nipple off while trying to shave your legs!
Do you think we like to sing in the shower because we all love a good soap opera?
The best things in life can`t be seen or touched....well, at least that`s what the restraining order says.
I am upping my standards.. so up yours!
I need to find new reward systems besides beer and chocolate.
I`ll admit I`m not perfect but what did the horse I rode in on do?
I`m terribly conflicted when people I hate from work, bring cupcakes.