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That awkward moment when you give the same Hallmark card two years in a row.
According to Tetley the best way to make a cup of tea is to agitate the bag so i slap her arse and shout "cup ot tea fatty"
Today is International Women’s Day. It was actually supposed to be held 2 days ago but they took too long to get ready.
There are dozens of different flavors of ramen noodles, but they all taste like poverty and loneliness.
I can’t believe it’s 2012 and there is still no fold button on my dryer.
My favorite thing about naps is that I don`t have to talk to people during them
Has marriage been on Mythbusters yet?
The ultimate home security system is having shitty stuff.
"I wanna f*ck you so hard right now." "What?!?" "Damn autocorrect, I meant hey."
If you`re having second thoughts, you`re 2 ahead of most people.
Despite being a pain in the a$$, you have to admit I still bring a lot to the table.
There`s nothing sadder then the look on my dogs face after he hears something hit the floor and discovers it`s only lettuce :(
Men who claim women belong in the kitchen definitely do not know what to do with them in the bedroom!
Life gave me onions ... Onionade sucks.
Just backed into a Jaguar but I left him a note on my bank statement so he knows not to bother calling