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Why is it socially acceptable to wear a bikini at the beach but not on the bus? At the end of the day Iām just a guy in a bikini on the bus.
Hump Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Money can buy imitation happiness. Iām cool with that.
More tattoo artists really just need to say "No, I`m not doing that."
So far my bracket is perfect! I can`t wait to fill the rest of it in.
Your mobile phone has more computing power than all of NASA in 1969. NASA launched a man to the moon. ...We launch a bird into pigs!
Today, I`m really gonna give it my nothing
I just did a bunch of crunches and curls. There were Nestle Crunches and cheese curls, but still. I`m exhausted.
If my life was a GPS it would constantly be recalculating
Make BIG mistakes in life. Those people are remembered forever. On Youtube.
LIFE always offers you a second chance,its called TOMORROW
If buying new underwear is evidence of an affair, my husband has been faithful for at least nine years.
I hate it when old people poke you at weddings and say you`re next. So I`ve started poking them at funerals
So apparently airport security doesn`t like it when you call shotgun before boarding a plane.
Of all the horrible ways to die I think healthy eating sounds the most painful.