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Anyone who says sunshine brings happiness has never danced in the rain.
Our parents always taught us NOT to write on walls... Facebook teaches us differently
Only in math problems you can buy 60 watermelons and nobody asks what the hell is wrong with you.
My wife is going to the hair salon today so for the next few hours I will be practising my reaction.
Lazy Fact #69302246777573 - You were too lazy to read that number.
I just stepped on a cornfkake does that make me a cereal killer ?
Every once in a while I check up on people I hate to make sure I still hate them⦠I do.
I`m not homophobic, I love my house!
After four centuries, the semicolon has finally achieved it`s true calling: helping people wink online.
Thereβs no worse feeling than realizing your wife has fallen asleep & youβve spent the last 20 minutes watching Real Housewives by yourself.
I`d hit that. - women drivers
Hash browns not tags.
It takes patience to listen.., it takes skill to pretend youβre listening.
If it doesnβt involve food or sleep, Iβm probably not interested.
Lets all take a minute and realize the lack of creativity in the name "fire place"