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A lot of people don`t realise that Shania Twain`s father, Mark, was actually a pretty good writer.
The good thing about Facebook is if someone gets on your nerves enough, you can make them cease to exist in your world and you don`t even have to hide a body.
I think I`m a grown up the same way Dr. Phil is a doctor.
Memories of you make me look forward to alzheimers.
"I got this." Translated: I most certainly do not have this, but prepare to be thoroughly entertained.
You can`t make me believe there`s a shortage of jobs in this country when there are 23 cash registers at WalMart and only 3 cashiers.
Changing a whole text message just because you didn`t know how to spell one word?
“I” before “E” especially after “P”. Mmmm pie
I wish I could smack the stupid out of people. And if you think this status is about you ... Smack yourself for me!
Madonna is 55 her boyfriend is 22. Tina Turner is 75 her boyfriend is 40. JLo is 42 her boyfriend is 26. Still single? Relax. Your boyfriend hasn`t been born yet.
The first 30 years of childhood are always the hardest.
I hate when the cops throw me in the back of the squad car like they didn’t hear me call shotgun.
Whenever I hear "let me tell you the truth", I secretly cross my fingers, hoping they say "brownies are healthy, eat as many as you want."
Irony. The opposite of wrinkly.
"I’m definitely going to do that tomorrow.” — Me being delusional