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My girlfriend thinks I`m a stalker. ..well, she`s not exactly my girlfriend yet..
I`d swim across the ocean for you.. Lol, Just kidding. There`s f*cking sharks in there.
3 shots of vodka can erase 8 hours of rage in 15 minutes. That’s all the math you really need to know.
roses are red , violets are blue , I got five fingers and the 3rd one for you ;)
Lets not get carried away it`s not like McDonalds shutdown
Starbucks announced guns are no longer allowed in their stores. Seems crazy banks didn`t think of this.
I can`t wait to get home and have make-up sex! ... I`ve been arguing all day with myself.
Did the Baha Men ever find their dogs? Did they put up posters or just sing that song?
You gotta hand it to blind prostitutes
I’m no Dr. Phil, but I bet if you tell at least 5 people to f*ck off today, you’ll feel better.
The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content.
No means no! Unless she`s dyslexic; then it`s on!
I just missed winning the lottery by only 6 numbers.
Ever notice that no one ever has three cats? They either have one or two cats, then it jumps to 17.
Of course it`s you....there`s no f*cking way it`s me...