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I enjoy long walks on the beach and that thing you just did with that banana.
Crap, summer is here and I`m nowhere near in drinking shape yet.
As my mother-in-law and I fight to the death for her son`s love, I sometimes think to myself, "This may be the worst prize ever."
You and I are just different. And by different I mean you`re stupid.
#Redskins QB Robert Griffin III back after surgery to reconstruct the ACL and repair the LCL in his right knee. He`s now RG 3.2
There are many different ways one can save energy, but my favorite by far is this recliner.
I gauge a person’s wealth by the level of protection on their iPhone. No case, huge salary.
"How about if I put a balloon over it? Would you touch it then?" -guy who invented condoms
I like my relationships like I like my eggs: over easy.
Please don’t take anything I say personal or too seriously. I’m just an idiot with internet access.
I hate it when my fat makes me look fat.
Nothing says `I dont take you seriously` like your dog wagging his tail when you are yelling at him.
You post all of your drama on Facebook. Then get upset when people judge you? You must be a special kind of stupid.
I hate when its dark and your brain is all "you know what we haven`t thought about in a while ... demons."
My girlfriend isn`t much of a wrestler but you should see her box!!