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Easter can be just as much fun as an adult as it was as a child. Just paint and hide beer cans instead of eggs.
My train of thought likes to circle around the station a few times, take some wrong turns, and end up totally lost.
Always have a goal. Example: Turn as much alcohol into urine as you can.
Todays hot tip: Boomerangs and Attention Deficit Disorder don`t mix.
About 110,000 people contract chlamydia each month, more than signed up for Obamacare. Obamacare is less popular than chlamydia.
People with pierced nipples have no excuse for losing their keys.
I’ve never had angry sex. I’m always happy and quite surprised that it is actually happening.
When I`m in an elevator with a stranger I generally hold their hand to let them know that they`re safe
Scratch and Sniff Here [____] …Smells like glass, doesn’t it
How come dogs aren’t ticklish?
Would I be in a porno for a million dollars? It depends. What kind of porn? Will my mom see it? Do I have to pay the million all at once?
Due to an unforeseen error during last night`s love making session I am forced to wear non matching socks today
Ever notice your Christmas stocking has just enough room for chocolates and a bottle of wine. Coincidence? I don`t think soooo.
I have many talents... For example: Sleeping.
Hey, car designers, you have kids, right? How is "limo window partition" between the front and back seat not an option yet?