Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Turns out that my get rich painfully slow scheme isn`t working out either.
For Halloween I`m going as an invisible person. I will be at all your parties.
Sometimes, you can just tell it`s gonna be a "does not play well with others" kind of day.
What I learned from Titanic was that you need to have sex as soon as possilble with the person you like cause you never know what might happen.
The best part about being at work on Friday is that it gives me 9 hours to figure out what I`m going to drink tonight.
The secret to eternal life and happiness could be hidden in the Terms & Conditions and we would never know.
Apparently "I`ll break your god damn legs" isn`t the problem solving skills that employers are looking for, at least according to HR anyway.
Men are like dogs. We`re excited to see you, and we have no idea what you`re mad about.
You don’t realize how many people you hate until you have to name a baby or a dog...
was on the treadmill for over an hour and I must say it is much easier with roller blades
I`m an optimist. To me, the glass is always half alcohol.
Sometimes just to annoy my therapist, I ask him, "So how does my lack of progress make you feel?"
I think I will stick to my old fashioned pepper shaker. This new pepper spray tastes terrible on my potatoes...
I dream about naps.
My chemistry teacher asked us what the heaviest metal was today. Apparently "Megadeath" was the wrong answer.