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The human body is roughly 60% water. I`m not fat, I`m flooded.
ALCOHOL! Giving you the ambition to do anything, while simultaneously taking away your capability to do so.
Nothing is more comical than seeing someone tiptoe with cheeks clenched hastily en route to a washroom to do #2.
If I saw a ghost, I would not be scared. I’d be like “Sit your translucent ass down, I have a lot of questions!”
Everyone wants you to "be honest" until you tell them how much they suck.
sorry but your password must contain an "uppercase letter, a number, a haiku, a gang sign, a hieroglyph, and the blood of a virgin"
Bend over and take it like a taxpayer.
Instead of a selfie, you should take a someone elsie.
Pork is awesome, but it`s best when used as a verb.
The worst part of Aquaman`s day has to be, when he has to kill time on land for half an hour after eating a meal.
I`ll never forget the first time we met. Although, I will keep trying.
I`m not saying I`m out of shape but I just stretched, got winded, and need to lie down
I have decided to follow my dreams.....starting with that one where I am naked at work.
I hate to call it "one night stands"... I prefer the term "auditions"
I really have to stop using this little microphone on my phone that types whatever you say as it keeps making mistakes punctuation point