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Because of smart phones my thumbs now have biceps.
Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.
A computer losing its internet access is the equivalent of a car running out of gas, both become useless.
A true man is one who leaves his wife alone in cold weather and goes to watch football.
Sometimes I go on Google Earth and just spin the sh!t out of the world & pretend I`m making everyone really dizzy.
You are not a "Food Blogger", you`re a "Fat a$$ with a laptop"
There is 2 address we will always know by heart, 1: Our Own, and 2: P. Sherman 42 wallyby way Sydney!
Hello everyone. Look at your status, now back to mine, now back to yours, now back to mine. Sadly, yours isn’t mine. But if you stopped posting about other things and made this your status, yours could be like mine. Look down, back up. Where are you? You’re on Facebook, reading the status your status could be like.
Don`t be sad, laundry. Nobody is doing me either.
What flickering lights mean: 1% electrical problem 99% demons.
My favorite mythical creature is the happy b*tch in tampon commercials.
This guy at the gym just did 3 sets of selfies.
I need to find a woman that loves me for my money....but doesn`t understand math. (<>..,<>)
The most impressive thing about marathon runners is how they don’t check their phone for 3 hours.
In the South, they remove the `g` from the end of most words. Just sayin`.