Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you`re bored, wear a cape. Then you can be Super Bored
If each day is a gift, I`d like to know where I can return Monday.
Sure, I can speak Spanish... "Margarita!"
I wonder if I´ll ever be mature enough to use a stud finder without first pointing it at myself and saying "there´s one."
If your camel toe looks like a elephants hoof, you might want to rethink the yoga pants.
Humans are so stupid! This is why aliens probe us. They think our brains are up our butts.
I ate gummy bears and didn`t bite off their heads or make screaming noises as they entered my mouth and I think this means I`m an adult now.
It`s been discovered that 1% of the population is allergic to Gluten. The other 99% are sick and tired of hearing about it......
Just saw someone eat a kit kat bar without breaking off each individual piece and now I can`t stop twitching.
My therapist doesn`t believe in werewolves so I left my last session with more problems than when I arrived.
Adding "and sh!t" at the end of a sentence can make anything sound thug. Example: I was playing with my bubbles and sh!t.
What is it about being blind that makes people want to walk their dog all the time?
I would be a terrible stalker because A) I`m not motivated enough B) You would always hear the rattle of peanut m&ms behind you.
My Wife does this cute thing where she says that "actions speak louder than words" and then gets pissed at me for just nodding.
Reasons to date me: I laugh at my own jokes so you don`t have to.