Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Your clothes are making me uncomfortable, please take them off.
I noticed you stopped taking your meds. Can I have them?
I`m "keeps a pair of underwear in the glove box because I don`t trust my farts anymore" years old.
The only thing worse than a male chauvinistic pig is a woman that won’t do as she is told
No way the guy from Operation is insured for any of those ridiculous medical procedures.
If you can say "I made six figures last year," you either have a well paying job or you`re the worst employee at a toy factory
The snooze button, because there’s nothing like starting your day off with a little procrastination.
As i walk thru the valley of the shadow of death i was like what da f**k am i doin here
My boss told me that there is no such thing as problems, only opportunities. I said, “That’s great. Well I have a serious drinking opportunity.”
is wondering why books on "how to make women happy" arent displayed in the fiction section
lf the people in the movies listened to me, they would still be alive.
You can always tell a lot about a woman the way she pours gasoline around your car.
Women use sex to get stuff, men lose stuff because of sex.
If you ring my door bell you better be the pizza guy or a sexy naked lady ... with a pizza.
Every pizza is a personal pizza if you eat the entire thing.