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They say a woman’s work is never done. Maybe that’s why they get paid less.
I`m starting to think that the Facebook status update I liked has had absolutely no influence on Government policy at all.
I can`t decide what`s more embarrassing - the fact that I still live out of a suitcase, or that I`m a professional ventriloquist dummy.
I have a million dollar idea that I will share with the first million people to send me a dollar.
There’s plenty of fish in the sea… I just suck at fishing.
If your girl sets her Facebook relationship status to “Widowed”, it’s time to pack a suitcase as fast as possible.
Yes Officer, I carry a knife, but that`s just in case I find a cake.
"keep moving.....nothing to see here"
Does "who cares" count as advice?
I wonder whether I can trust doctors with dead plants in the waiting room.
When I say “wow, that’s crazy”, 99 percent of the time, it means I haven’t been listening to a word of your conversation.
I cant wait to show everyone at work my new cough
Onion rings are vegetables. And the Large size counts as two servings.
You know you had a good night when your first call the next morning is from the bank making sure your card wasn`t stolen.
I say No to drugs but they... won`t listen.