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A woman is quick to reject a man that lives with his mother, but will accept a man that lives with his wife.
The cashier at the dollar store told me to have a good day. Like my purchase of shelf liner suggested any other plan.
What this country needs is more unemployed politicians...
I do all my own stunts, but never intentionally.
When I woke up today, I had no plans to be awesome, it just happened.
I`ve considered changing career paths and becoming a demolitions expert, but then I hear the education may cost me an arm and a leg.
“Was that lightning?” “No no…. they’re taking pictures for Google Earth..”
Yes I walked away mid-conversation. You were boring me to death and my survival instincts kicked in.
Touch it gently, put two fingers inside, if it`s wide use three fingers, make sure it`s wet and rub up and down. Yep that`s how you wash a cup.
Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
Why is it that the instant I buy new chap stick, the old one magically reappears?
As long as there is an open textbook in front of you, nobody will question what you are doing on your laptop.
I shurvivfed the dentisht wivout any notishable shide affecshss.
If you would`ve told me back in 1999 that we`d still be using animated gifs in 2015, I would`ve said "Wow, what a boring conversation"
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