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Lets face it we have all tried to get something done before the microwave timer goes off.
Attention burglars: We may or may not be home. Or maybe we are hunters, waiting for you to get closer for a kill shot
I miss that feeling you`d get at the video store when you discovered the movie you wanted to rent was available.
I don`t hit the "Like" button on my own statuses because I am self-centered, it`s just that I amaze myself sometimes and I want to show my appreciation!!!!!!
How many boxes of these Thin Mints do I need to eat before I start seeing results?
Has marriage been on Mythbusters yet?
I love arguing with you so much, I`ll bring a Ouija board to your funeral.
Why is it that when my wife refers to her friends as "girlfriends" its normal but when i call my male friends "boyfriends" i lose my friends?
If you say "cash money" around me, Don`t act surprised when I kick you in the "balls nuts" See how stupid that sounds?
I hate it when people rub things in my face... unless it`s two boobs.
I hope all your dreams come true, especially that one where you`re being chased by a giant spider.
Boys will be boys. Girls will be girls. Koalas will be koalas. Just about everything will be the things they are. That`s how this works.
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
LIFE always offers you a second chance,its called TOMORROW
Billion dollar idea: Make a prescription drug that gets rid of the side effects of all the other prescription drugs.