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Don’t underestimate my ability to do absolutely nothing.
You can pretty much text anything as long as you put a happy face emoticon afterwards. You`re a slut :)
Behind every crazy woman is a man that made her that way.
I`m in the awkward time period between not wanting to have pants on, and having to wait for the pizza guy right now...
Offering someone food and secretly hoping they say no.
My advice for pretty much anything that`s broken is "did you try and jiggle it?".
I`ll be back before you can pronounce actillimandataquerin altosapaoyabayadoondib ab!
FACEBOOK STORY: Add as friend – Approve -> Write something on wall -Intro – Everyday chatting – Ask number phone – Messaging – Calling – Meeting – Express love – Make relationship status – Hangout – Misunderstanding – Fight – Break up – Unfriend – Block !THE END
Here hold my dignity, I`ve got some sketchy shit to do.
I wish they made bar-stools with seat belts and dual side airbags.
Being an adult is mostly waiting to leave places you didn`t want to go to in the first place.
Porn & love songs. Destroying reality forever.
Work is one long game of back and forth emails with cleverly disguised f*ck you`s.
Why do people freak out about dolphins getting caugh in tuna nets? What about the tuna?
If someone invites you to their wedding, it`s apparently bad form to say "Sorry I can`t make it but I`ll come to your next one".