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Whoever named the seesaw probably didn’t get another chance to name stuff.
Look up procrastinator on Wikipedia and you`ll see a picture of me. Well there isn’t yet, but there will be. Probably by tomorrow. Maybe Tuesday.
I always keep a Mexican restaurant on speed dial in queso emergency.
can say whatever the hell I want as my Facebook Status, and nobody will be offended as long as I smile at the end. Example: I hate everybody today :) - LOL
The guy who invented wet t-shirt contests probably has no idea that shirts can just be taken off.
The term "bath toys" has a whole new meaning when you`re an adult
Work like you don`t have proof of citizenship, Love like you were on a reality TV show, and dance like you were being thrown 100 dollar bills at
Today I learned not all people are appreciative of vetriloquism. Especially my gynecologist.
When I drink alcohol.. everyone says I`m an alcoholic. But.. When I drink Fanta.. no one says I`m fantastic.
A true man is one who leaves his wife alone in cold weather and goes to watch football.
If you are willing to date an ex, it means that you`re backwards compatible.
Found out today your supposed to urinate on a jellyfish sting, not a jelly stain. Sorry lady at waffle house....just trying to help.
Billion dollar idea: A phone that charges using body fat!
When I get to heaven, the first question I`m asking God is, why does my butt have more hair than my head?
Jodi Arias dating O J Simpson now that would be a hell of a relationship