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Remember the bridge you drive over today was built by the lowest bidder.
Just like our bodies, our minds need exercise. That`s why I think of jogging every morning.
I was struggling,trying to figure out how lightning works .....then it struck me!
Of course you don’t think you’re ignorant! That’s the definition of ignorance!
On Fridays, I always dress for what the weather is going to be at 3am when I drunkenly lock myself out of my apartment.
You’d think after all these beauty pageants, we would have world peace by now.
My mother is the strongest woman I know. You should see how far she could throw a shoe.
For fun, I steal my married friends phones & change my name to `Brandy from the club` then repeatedly call them & hang up at 3am.
Best thing = Waking up, looking in your refrigerator and seeing a pizza box.
I had a doctors appointment today. He said I was normal! See? I told you!!!
Ya know what I really hate about mornings? People start talking to me!
I want you to know that whatever problems you`re having, I`m here to read about it on Facebook
If you see me out somewhere and act like you didn`t, you should know that I ignored you first.
I`m not naughty ... I`m mischievously creative
A friend like you is worth a million dollars. So, if you don’t mind…can I sell you?