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That awkward moment when You accidentally hit the LIKE button During Facebook stalking.
Anyone who believes that children are our future has not been to a mall recently.
99% sure my soulmate is a piece of pizza.
2 cops walk into a bar… I don’t know what happened after that. I got the f*ck out of there.
I miss flip phones because at the end of a conversation you could always dramatically close them like, bitch whatever.
2017 didn`t need that extra hour back.
The only thing worse than "the one that got away" is the one that won`t go away.
I tried my best to see things from your point a view, but your point of view is stupid.
There’d be less accidents if there was a texting lane.
My daughter exclaims "Cheers!" before she takes a drink of juice. So no, actually, I am NOT looking forward to parent - teacher conferences.
Mark my words: In a year, the leading cause of death will be “Beaten to death with a selfie stick”
If you died and went to he!l, how long will it take you to realise that you aren`t still at work?
believes saying "hi" with a big smile can brighten anyone´s day ... even those who give you the middle finger for cutting them off in traffic.
If you come up to my bedroom door and find a sock on the knob it means I`m having sex ... Probably with the other sock.
I`m tired of making the same mistakes over and over again. Does anyone have any new mistakes I can borrow?