Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Facebook game requests are like the Jehovah`s witnesses of the internet.
Been waiting at the pub for my wife to pick me up for hours now. How long does it take to have a baby, for Christs sake.
Your license plate should be your phone number... So when you drive like a dumbass, I can let you know about it.
Sorry to all my friends and family members who didn`t know I was a freak until they saw my likes and shares on Facebook.
This morning I woke up to a surprise BJ. Thats the last time I fall asleep on the train with my mouth open.
If history has taught us anything, it’s that reheated french fries are gross.
Three guys walk into a bar. Two ended up with a concussion, the other needed 4 stitches.
A massage is just professional petting for humans.
You trust me holding your child? Do you know how many iPhone screens I’ve cracked?
No one has ever been in an empty room.
“Screw it” – My final thought before making most decisions.
I`d divorce my wife but I never want to see her that happy!
Having kids puts a new perspective on life.
Just gave the Earth a one-star rating and a bad review on TripAdvisor to discourage any aliens that were planning an invasion.
If I had a penny for everytime I heard you bitch at me I`d have enough money to invest in a hitman