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Why is it that whenever there`s two women in a profile pic, the hot one is always someone else..?
I swear that logging in to Facebook has become the equivalent of opening the fridge door and staring inside even though you`re not hungry.
Why do people who insult themselves get mad when you agree with them?
You know you`re a bad driver when Siri says, " In 400 feet, stop and let me out".
Don`t be part of the problem. Be the ENTIRE problem.
I have a tremendous sex drive ... My girlfriend lives 25 miles away.
If only I did everything with the same precision in which I craft my sandwiches.
Sometimes bigger is just heavier
I did not mean to hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I just figured you already knew.
Being fat = Lowers your chance of getting kidnapped.
UFC is 10% fighting, and 90% advertising the next fight
You know a guy likes you when his pants give you a thumbs up ;)
A friend like you is worth a million dollars. So, if you don’t mind…can I sell you? :D
why we do not have a romance class...............
I just hope people who say "Jesus is my co-pilot" realize he`s a 1st century carpenter with no time in a flight simulator.