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I can´t wait until Weight Watchers comes out with a beer.
The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.
Just rescued a Coca Cola that was trapped in the fridge!
Turning on your lights and siren after you lose a drag race is just poor sportsmanship.
Netflix is a lot like facebook in the way I just waste time scrolling and scoffing at things.
If Facebook changed "poke" to "stab" I would use it all the time.
I can update Facebook from anywhere. Even when crossing the stre
drinking while working out...it`s called Bacardio
After joining Facebook, my TV became radio.
If I had three wishes, I`d use one for boobs. Because I`m pretty sure I could get everything else that I wanted if I had boobs.
Bored? Text "Our condom broke." to a random number
I took part in the sun tan world championships this weekend. I got bronze.
Sometimes I wonder if the kid in the Dreamworks logo has caught a fish yet.
Of all the horrible ways to die I think healthy eating sounds the most painful.
I once met a guy who was addicted to huffing brake fluid. He said he could stop any time.