Daily Silly Status

What do you call a woman with big breasts who doesn`t make sandwiches? A compromise.

I wonder if "Sober Me" knows that "Drunk Me" can Breakdance?

I want the job where you push scared skydivers out of the plane...

MAN LAW 101: No man should ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man.

Bless me Father for I hit send.

The way dogs get excited when you throw a tennis ball is the way I feel about my first beer after work.

Beer is like sex. When it’s good it’s good…when it’s bad it’s still pretty good.

I`ve been hitting "remind me later" for about the last 4 years on Adobe.

For fun, I steal my married friends phones & change my name to `Brandy from the club` then repeatedly call them & hang up at 3am.

ME- I love it when you lay me down like that, the way you touch my belly and put cold things on me baby DOCTOR- Miss this is a medical examination and you are making me extremely uncomfortable

Of course bears sh!t in the woods, they do most of their stuff in the woods, very few bears own a house.

Spring cleaning: The term that gives us an excuse to only clean once a year.

Every time I get a paper cut, I know somewhere a tree is laughing.

Girls are a lot like oceans, beautiful and deep, but once a month, it`s shark week.

There’s a reason why “sober” and “so bored” sound almost exactly the same.