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Marco Polo must really hate sitting near a swimming pool.
I bet Miley Cyrus is eating Twerky right now.
I bet some of you would absolutely kill it in a race where you had to jump over obstacles while looking at your phone.
This day is only a margarita away from being a good one.
Women can brutally and methodically destroy your life. But they let you see their tits along the way so it`s totally cool.
Facebook: an alternative to drunk dialing.
Don’t be ashamed of who you are. That’s your parents job.
My daily routine: Wake up, be awesome, go back to sleep.
As I was signing into my email account instead of yahoo.com I typed hayoo.com...nope, it wasn`t right but I got to thinking it would be quite appropriate, afterall, we`re trying to get someone`s attention, right?
Some of us are basically unpaid Facebook interns.
Just because I don’t like you doesn’t mean I don’t want you to like me.- Most Girls
?"Cheating" is such a strong word. I rather call it "talent scouting".
Don`t understand how people in depression commercials can be sad with how attractive they are.
I have two words for this week. BEER ME!!!
Reincarnation is my only hope.