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I wish my kids came with a handbook.... Hardcover, preferably. So I have something to hit them with.
It saddens me to think that I`ll never be able to watch my own a$$ as I walk away :(
Babysitters are just teenagers who behave like adults so that adults can go out and behave like teenagers.
I don`t know why beer companies bother with an expiration date. It`s never going to make it anywhere near that.
I didn`t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
To-Do List: Nothing [?]
Iām too young to be too old for everything.
You have your whole life to be an a$$hole...are you trying to use it all up in one day?
Feeling stressed out? Make a nice cup of hot tea and then spill it in the lap of whoever`s bugging you.
I quit my job with the Dept of Corrections. That place was like a prison...
With all the botched executions lately, it has been suggested that we bring back the guillotine. But if we do that I`m sure heads will roll.
I am proud to say that I have completed the 1st item on my bucket list... I got the bucket
I have said it before. I will at it again. If anyone is into wife swapping. I will take a dirtbike or a puppy. Hit me up.
In order to avoid hating myself in the morning, I sleep till noon.
At this point I`m just waiting for summer to be cancelled completely.