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It`s called "Biscotti" because nobody would buy "chocolate covered croutons".
I heard lots of bongo noises coming from my loft last night. It sounded very Drum Attic.
Anything is possible when you have no clue what you`re talking about
Note to self: Next time, don`t use "continue" as the Safe Word.
I`ll never forget what my dad said when I gave him the picture I drew and asked him to put on the refrigerator: "Wtf Dude, you`re 23."
When bears are around, try to look skinny and they won`t eat you. If that doesn`t work, kick your buddy in the nuts and RUN!
When I become famous I`m not going to tell anyone.
8 more days and I will finally get rid of last years Halloween candy.
Daylight Savings makes us lose an hour... It’s kind of like Facebook.
I still have a landline. Or as I like to call it, Cell Phone Finder.
If ignorance is bliss then there`s a crap load of people in paradise
The secret to happiness is a good sense of humor and a bad memory.
I love Christmas presents wrapped in bubble wrap... it`s like two gifts in one!!
If I had a nickel for every time I`ve misplaced my keys, there`d be a jarful of money I would also have to look for
All I`m saying is that Schwarzenegger isn`t the only one who woke up naked next to a dumpster in 1984.