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How come when a girl has sex with everyone she`s a slut but when a guy has sex with everyone he`s my boyfriend
My mom at night: Good night, sweet dreams I love you. My mom in the morning: Wake the f*ck up you lazy piece of sh!t.
I have an awesome idea, but first I`ll need a zebra, bungee cords, jello, and a partner in crime. Any takers?
All I`m saying is why blame it on being lazy when you can blame it on being old?
doesn`t mind that people start spreading rumors about me.. it’s when they spread the truth that I’m screwed ;)
If you laid out all of the people in the world who were ever mean to me, I could then drive my car over them.
It turns out that playing strip solitaire isn`t nearly as much fun as playing strip poker. Especially at work...
If you ever feel unattractive, just remember that you look like your ancestors, and Hey, All of them got laid.
Nintendo should handle education, I don’t remember half the crap from high school but I know all of Super Mario World’s secrets.
Happy Halloween… may all of your skeletons stay in the closet where they belong!
Don`t you wish it was as easy to adjust the brightness level on people as it is on your phone?
My wife treats me like a God…She takes very little notice of my existence until she wants something.
If they made a movie of my life, it would just be a lot of scenes where I`m looking for something to wipe my hands on.
The most exercise I get from my exercise ball is when I move it around in my apartment so that it`s not in my way.
There is no such things as ghosts. I know, I asked Santa Claus