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The awkward moment when you’re running and your boobs are bouncing …. and you’re a guy.
Who is this "Moderation" they keep telling me to drink with?
Not all guys just want s@x... I want sandwiches too.
The cat seems really pissed off. He must have only had 22 hours sleep.
I bought my Ex a chair ... But the state won`t let me plug it in.
I`m pretty sure the phrase "Did I say that out loud?" is just a way of adding an exclamation point.
So long pants! See you Monday!
If anybody steals my identity, at least I’ll know who to look for.
If you need Facebook to remind you it`s your wife`s birthday, I hope you own a comfortable couch.
If you`re feeling bored, find a group photo of four girls on instagram and then comment "you three look great!" Wait and grab popcorn.
Why would a married man buy a hearing aid?
My flock of sheep were stolen from my farm last month. I`ve not been able to sleep since.
Sometimes I wish my dog could talk…then I remember all the things he has seen me do when I’m alone.
I drink my coffee out of a clear mug so people know where my tolerance level is at.
If my week was a YouTube video, Monday would be that crappy ad that it doesn`t let you skip.