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Ambulance is spelled backwards on the front so when you look in your rearview mirror you don`t confuse it with the other giant siren cubes.
Hair growing from my ears and nostrils doesn`t mean I`m getting old, right? Means I`m turning into a werewolf! Right?
Long story short, I love summaries.
Shout out to good looking women who date unattractive men who aren`t rich, thanks for keeping hope alive.
Do you ever just sit there and think “why am I not rich”?
A lie is just a great story that someone ruined by telling the truth.
I`m not drunk ... But I`m working on it.
The fact that Pitbul is even considered a musician is more disgusting than the fact that toothpaste was invented years after french kissing was.
I can bench 250 lbs. And by that, I mean, I can sit myself down on a bench in a local park.
I`m bored, I think I`ll ask my boyfriend if I look fat. - women
I`m starting to think that all those hours in school, when I practiced writing my autograph, was just a waste of time.....
Would it be wrong to ask a one-eyed person if it really was "all fun and games" up to that point?
Okay restaurants. Enough with the clever bathroom signs. A simple M and F will do. Sincerely, drunk people.
Why don`t they just get Jehovah`s Witnesses to deliver the mail?
A few more months without getting laid and I should be eligible for employment at Gamestop.