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Shout out to the new couples still holding in farts..
Political debates are great if you want to watch idiots talk to us like idiots to prove that the idiot next to them is a bigger idiot.
Oh, I have an idea!!..oh wait, no I don`t
Happy third birthday to the tartar sauce in my fridge.
Is "blowjob" one word or two words? God I hate writing thank you cards. -Bfanch
Thank you Lord for this delicious meal we are about to Instagram.
The person that named the eggplant probably isn’t allowed to name things anymore.
Guys if a woman shaves hers legs she wants you to touch them..... You just have to make sure she knows You.
All you single ladies, please stop saying you should just give up and get a cat. If no man wants you, don`t subject an innocent cat to a life with you.
Life is like a p@nis. Simple, soft, straight, relaxed and hanging freely. Then women make it hard
Size does matter ... When ordering a pizza
I painted a banner for our annual family picnic, but my Mom thought "Celebrating 100 Years of Undiagnosed Mental Illness" was inappropriate.
People who sit and talk while their pizza is gets cold gives me anxiety.
When people introduce themselves to me for the first time, I tell them, "Yes, we`ve met before." So they feel awkward trying to remember me
I’m trying to read a book about how to relax, but I keep falling asleep