Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I just researched the medicinal name for Viagra..... MYCOXAPHAYLYN
Im a leader not a follower... unless its a dark place then f*ck that your going first!
Look UPS guy, you can`t just show up at someone`s house unannounced and expect them to have pants on.
Dang I didn`t make it to the gym today! That makes 5 years in a row
The first rule of Right Club is that your wife is the only member of Right Club
Just saw a group of kids trying to put another kid into a dumpster, I had to step in, They couldn`t even lift him, We high-fived & laughed
"She really does suck!" could be a complement in the porn industry
Why do people ask “What the hell were you thinking?” Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not have to explain it.
Old enough to know better, young enough to take a dare...
had a great time horseback riding today but then I ran out of quarters
My new girlfiend is taking forever to exist.
If at first you don’t succeed, look in the trash for the instructions
for every like, I will fart on my wife face
“Is it food time yet?” = The summarization of most of my thoughts.
I’d steal a doughnut truck and attempt to outrun the cops, just to let people see a bunch of cops chasing a doughnut truck!