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Is it wrong to put leftover Halloween candy in their Easter baskets?
Sometimes “Girl`s night out” means she has just taken her bra off
My birthday is coming up. I dont like to think of it as getting older I like to think of it as experience points.
A coworker wouldn`t stop bragging about her upcoming trip to Hawaii, so I emailed her a bunch of pictures of plane crashes.
Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
Whenever there’s an awkward silence, try whispering, “Did you forget your line?”
A good lawyer knows the law ... A great lawyer knows the judge.
In case of fire, do not use the elevator. Use water...
“Grandbrother” sounds much cooler than uncle.
When you realize that your car matches the one in the Amber Alert.
Taking a nap is always so risky like when will I wake up... In 30 minutes? in 3 hours? in 9 years?? no one can be sure
The guy who invented, "Take Your Child To Work Day," probably forgot to drop his kid off at school on his way to work..
I`ve decided to add more positivity in my life. So, now when I say someone`s an a@#hole, I qualify it with......... but he`s really good at it...........and I`m positive about that!
When I wake up at night, I reach out to you, I love you not for what you look like, I love you for what you have inside - Me to my fridge
If you cut your child`s sandwich into squares instead of triangles, you suck at parenting...