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You guys make Facebook worth it! Just kidding, we are all wasting our lives.
I like birthdays, but I think too many can kill you.
*Gets absolutely nothing done*… Welp time for a break.
Scientists are dumb. A meteor didn`t kill the dinosaurs. I`ve been to the museum. It`s obvious they starved to death.
When my dog sniffs another dog`s poop I can only assume that it`s their equivalent to checking a friend`s facebook page.
His idea of cleanliness is sweeping the room with a glance.
I`m glad the Dentist calls me the day before to remind me to cancel my appointment.
Hugh Hefner dead at age 91. With the amount of Viagra that guy must have been taking, good luck closing that casket lid.
It`s so cute how you can throw balls right at kids faces in the Chuck E Cheese ball pit and they think you`re just playing.
I say ” I shouldn’t be telling you this,” at the beginning of every conversation so people will listen to what I’m saying.
I wish I could get excited as a redneck drinking cheap beer and watching cars go around in circles for hours.
I can`t believe that it`s the year 2012, and I still have to bend down to pick stuff up.
She’s thinking about having beer pong at her reception… that’s walking a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Stealing other people`s statuses on Facebook is called a Facelift.
I`m one of the nicest a$$holes you could ever hope to meet.