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My doctor said I needed to reduce stress. Great, now I have that to worry about.
Grab the bull by the horns. The other end is too gross...
As I get older my tastes are changing, for instance I used to not like brussels sprouts but now I don`t like people.
Babe, you look Hot! Is your air conditioner broken?
I`m first world poor. That means I have a smart phone and laptop that I use to go online and see that I have no money in my bank account.
If you can´t afford to go on vacation, you can always drink until you don´t know where you are.
I hate that I have to put on clothes to participate in society.
Some day I wanna be "change my oil every 3000 miles" rich!
I have a fear of speed bumps, but I`m slowly getting over it.
I will stop loving you, when Spongebob gets his driving license.
It`s such a beautiful day I had to open the window while I watched TV
Breasts are like model trains. They were originally meant for children but grown men always want to play with them.
Jealous women do better research then the FBI. True story.
Keep the dream alive, hit the snooze button.
Ugh... Seriously? If I get ONE more sexual advance on facebook, that will be.. like... a first.