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If it’s called tourist season, why can’t you shoot at them?
Karaoke bars combine two of the world’s great evils: People who shouldn’t drink and people who shouldn’t sing.
It is days like today that I am glad that we all don`t live in a Yellow Submarine. Well at least not in the same one.
One does not simply log out of their friend`s facebook account without making them gay.
I am finally old enough to realize my father was right, but now my kids think I am wrong.
What doesn`t kill you makes you have lots of hospital bills.
As a nation, we may be spending our children`s money, but at my house, it`s the other way around.
What I lack in good decisions, I make up for in inappropriate behavior.
The longer I stay at home, the more homeless I look.
I just kicked a can in my driveway and somehow ended up with a goal against Brazil.
If you`re not the lead dog, the scenery never changes!
I always drink responsibility I make sure that someone is responsible for buying me drinks.
This Facebook is my serious account. The funny one is my bank account.
Sometimes I do totally awesome and amazing things just to throw people off.
Being a parent means often saying your child is shy rather than "he sees how creepy u are, that`s why he doesn`t want to shake your hand".