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I may not look good naked, but I`m a beautiful person on the insi.... Hahahaha just kidding I look great naked
My Christmas tree smells like pine, and is hanging from the shift lever in my car.
I ate cereal for dinner because I do what I want. I`m an adult. Oh did I say adult? I meant poor. It`s because I`m poor.
A lot of you lose your sh!t and have some pretty epic, public meltdowns. I just wanted to say thanks.
Just want to apologize to all the unlucky men that have had to deal with my ex because I dumped her.
What is the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know, and I don’t care.
Does a transformer get car insurance or life insurance?
Saying, "We need to talk," is the most efficient way to freak someone out
Nothing says "party" like a red plastic cup.
Game of Thrones is exciting, but I think it`s important to remember that these people are fighting over a chair
Make Monday More Fun: Unplug the copier at work and put a sign on it that says “Now Voice Activated!” Sit back and watch the magic unfold..
I`m not lazy, I just rest before I get tired
My bank statement is just a visual record of bad decisions.
Should hallways in mental institutes be called psycho-paths?
Are you reading this from a toilet? I`m writing this from one.