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Times change When I was a kid, werewolves and vampires were very scary. Now everyone wants to have sex with them
Sometimes, late at night in WalMart, I switch up all the color tubes in the hair dye kits.
It`s not the torch she carries for me that has me worried, it`s the gas can in her other hand.
Does anyone know how much water I`m supposed to add to this baby powder, to make an infant?
BEFORE I GET DRUNK, NAKED,THROWN IN JAIL AND LOOSE MY DAMN PHONE. *HAPPY NEW YEAR.
You couldn`t handle me even if I came with instructions.
Don`t talk to me like I`m stupid until you know for sure.
Stages of beard length: 1.) sexy stubble 2.) sea captain 3.) prisoner of war 4.) homeless person 5.) wizard
Worst part about getting a phone call is the 12 seconds you can`t use your phone as you wait for it to stop ringing.
I`m Not Perfect. Your Not Perfect. But Together We Can Be a Perfect Sense of Humor LOL!
This movie has "adult content"? So, they`re gonna complain about back pains and setting up a 401k?
If you’ve been naughty… go to your room. If you want to be naughty… go to mine.
Like a good neighbor,I don`t really care.
You know that really private/embarrassing stuff you say to your girlfriend when no one else is around? Her friends know all that sh!t.
You know a woman really loves you when she vandalizes your car after an argument.