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Three things I’m thankful for this time of year: Family, Friends, and Caller ID to avoid family and friends
4 out of 5 dentists agree that 1 out of 5 dentists is just doing it for the attention.
Actually I don`t think it would be all that hard to get out of a pickle.
You`re never too old to be spanked ...If you play your cards right.
Always finish your beer. There`s sober kids in Africa.
Depression is just your body`s way of saying it needs more orgasms.
I`m bored, I think I`ll ask my boyfriend if I look fat. - women
I get in this weird mood where I don’t want to talk to anybody and just want to be left alone. I call this mood ‘Awake’
I`m starting to think that some of you are misspelling words on porpoise.
Hey sorry I’m late, I didn’t want to come.
Was that lightning? ... No, they`re taking pictures for Google Earth.
I love how my calendar assumes when I add a 8:00 event, it`s AM. Google thinks I`ve got my life together.
You seem to be very educated on the things you make up.
A model citizen is just like a regular citizen that doesn`t eat.
Hey, chicks who have words tattooed on your tits... We didn`t come here to read.